When???

When will the afternoon cravings stop?  When will I not want to eat even though I'm not hungry.  It's the 3:00 monster visiting me everyday and I don't know how to make it go away.  Somedays the cravings win and other days I win.  But I want to always win.  When the cravings win it's not like I feel better.  I usually feel worse because I gave in.  I'm not going to keep losing weight if I keep giving into these cravings.  I know they are never going to completely stop.  So I'm going to have to be stronger than the cravings.  This weight loss thing is hard work.  I've been stalled since we left for vacation over a month ago.  I'll do good for a few days but then go back to old habits.   I don't know why I can't get my head in the game for good.  This back and forth is so hard for me emotionally.  I have the end picture in my head - I just wish it was enough.

A New Beginning

“Don’t let a lapse turn into a collapse.”  I read this quote on another blog and it fits for me right now.  Just because I haven't been diligent in my eating habits the past few weeks doesn't mean that this journey has ended.  The roll down the hill started before vacation and hasn't yet ended.   Today I'm starting fresh.  I can envision my goal and what that looks like.  I want this so badly and so I'm making it a point to envision what I will look like at my goal weight whenever I want to make a bad food choice.    

I'll text people for support like my wonderful sister who helped me today by telling me that if I cave and get the snickers from the vending machine my work out tonight will only be to work off the snickers.  I wanted more than that from my workout.  So I stayed strong like she told me to be.  It's not easy but I can do this! 

I'll count on my hubby to hold me accountable.  I stubbed my pinky toe tonight and tore part of the nail off.  It hurt so bad and was bleeding.  I cleaned it up but it hurt when I put my tennis shoes on to go work out.  I was tempted to not go at all but Hubby said to go and at least do some of the weight machines if I wasn't up to the cardio machines.  Well I tried and ended up doing 10 min on the stair climber and 30 min on the elliptical and then used the weight machines working my legs!  Go me!!!

On Sunday I signed up for a membership at the gym.  I’m really excited about this.  I miss going to the gym.  I want to have the motivation to workout at home but I just can't keep it up.  I seemed to be much better about going to the gym and working out before getting pregnant with Cole so I'm hoping that's still the case.  Plus this gym has an outdoor pool and they gave us 8 free family passes to use at the pool this summer!  I did my first workout with my friend Stacey on Sunday night and my abs and arms are so sore!  Workout # 2 is tonight! 

My weight loss goal is to lose 25 more lbs by the kids birthdays in September.  I know I can do this.  It took me 4 1/2 months to lose the first 25 and I know I can do another 25 in less than that if I get my mind in the game.  I need my friends and family to hold me accountable.  Sunday afternoon after visiting the gym and getting the tour Jared suggested getting ice cream and I turned him down!  And he was proud of me!  Some days are going to be harder than others but the hard days can't stop me from meeting my ultimate goal. 

In the past 3 weeks I've gained some weight back.  So my fresh start is at 189 lbs.  Here I go!!!   

Half Way There

As of today I've lost 25 lbs!  I'm so excited about this.  I wish it was more.  It probably would be if I could keep the motivation to work out more than once or twice a week.  But I'm using sleep deprivation as an excuse and I'm sticking to that.  But this is half way to my goal of 50 lbs!  I'm thinking by the end of summer I can be there!  Just in time for the temptations of the holiday's.  Ugh. 

I've got the food thing under control for the most part.  I don't deny myself of anything completely.  My portion control has gotten way better!   I'm eating a lot  more veggies than I used to and a lot less carbs!  Tonight we're going to try spaghetti squash.  Wish me luck! 

Discipline

I was reading this girls post from when she was first starting her weight loss journey and she posted this bible verse.  I'm struggling with the discipline and it fits so perfectly to how I'm feeling right now. 

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, 

it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have 

been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Weekly Review (9)

I did it!  Yesterday morning I got up at 5:00AM and worked out.   I'm doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred.  I'm not doing it everyday, but I'm aiming for at least 5 days a week!  This morning was another story after a rough night last night with a hurt dog who wouldn't stop whining and a baby boy who woke up screaming 3 times during the night.  Tomorrow is another day, just can't get defeated by the days that I don't work out or do well on the diet.


Friday and Saturday were not good food days for me but the rest of the week has been and I still lost weight even with a couple of bad days.  This week I'm trying to do a shake for breakfast and lunch to get back into the swing of things.  Day 3 and so far so good.  I usually eat a small snack with my lunch shake, either a handful of nuts or 2 cheese sticks.  I need to have the sensation of eating actual food or I go crazy!  Totally a mind over matter thing and maybe someday I'll over come that. 


Weekly Weigh In: 291 (down 23 lbs, so close to being under 290!)

Weekly Review

I had a great week over all last week!  My food choices over the weekend weren't all that great but I started out making good choices again yesterday and am feeling good! 

Last weekend I was able to run around the yard with Caitlyn and didn't feel like I was going to die!  It felt so good and the smile on her face was all the motivation that I need to keep on this journey and keep the weight coming off.  Making the right choices, exercising and getting healthy is what I'm focusing on. 

Saturday I ran / walked my first 5K!  I finished the race and I wasn't last!  I am so proud of myself for doing this.  I felt like I was going to die afterwards but I would try to do another one in the future.  Part of the problem was that part of the race went over a pedestrian bridge over the river and then back.  On the way back it was super windy and I could feel the bridge swaying slightly, and the river was rippling underneath us and it was making me sick.  I thought I was going to throw up over the side of the bridge!  I tried focusing on the building in front of me but it wasn't working.  I felt slightly sick and got a headache the rest of the night. 

Last night I started the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred video.  There are 3 20 min workouts on the dvd.  I can do 20 min after the kids go to bed and hopefully with all the nice weather do a lot of walking / running as well to supplement!  The other night I was watching tv and got sucked into watching a Jillian Michael's infomercial for her Body Revolution program.  I decided to do the 30 Day Shred first and if I liked it and saw results I'd splurge and order that program.  It's a 90 day program with 15 dvd's and meal planning and 30 day trial to her website.  We'll see....I can be such a sucker when it comes to infomercials! 

Weekly Weigh In: 193 (I lost a lb even with the bad weekend food wise!) 

Imagine

I've been feeling some tingling in my stomach and side.  I like to imagine it's my fat cells shrinking down to nothing.  I also like to imagine they are screaming like the mucus globs on the mucinex commercial as they shrink to nothing!  These thoughts make me smile! 

Only 2 more days until my race!  I'm really excited about this! 

Weekly Review

I did really well on my diet this week again!  Saturday night we went out to Old Chicago and I did splurge and we got the spicy spinach cheese dip.  I only ate one piece of the bread with it and then ate the veggies.  We ordered pizza and I only ate the toppings, no crust.  Plus I get one splurge meal a week!  Would you believe that I didn't have any wine or beer this week?  Beth wasn't drinking so I didn't either!  I will be having a beer and wings tonight, but no potato wedges!  And we're grilling out tomorrow night so I may be drinking wine tomorrow too! 

I also exercised 3 times this week.  Last night I worked out by myself without my sister!  We went running Tuesday night, a workout video Thursday night and last night I did 45 min on the elliptical (I did a warm up with Caitlyn on her wii dance game)! 

This Saturday is my first 5K....I think I'm going to do pretty well.  Beth and I figured that we ran over 2 of the 3 miles when we ran last week.  I know I can't run the whole thing...but maybe by the next one!  Jared is running this one with us and then free pizza and beer after the race!  Can't wait...we haven't been out on St Patty's Day since before we had Caitlyn! 

Weekly Weigh In: 194 lbs (20 lbs baby!  Yippee!)     

Weekly Review

I did really good this past week!  Shakes for breakfast and I did really well sticking to low carb meals.  Saturday night we went to dinner at Jared's Dad & Kendy's house and I had soup with a couple of slices of cheese.  No crackers and no bread.  I even skipped dessert although that was easy because it was strawberry rhubarb pie which is not a favorite of mine.  I did go out for sushi and wine with Beth last night and I think the sodium caught up with me because my loss wasn't as big as I would have expected today after having such a great week.  But it was still a loss and not a gain.  And every little bit helps.  It's hard to remember it's not all about the scale.  That getting healthy and feeling good about myself are the end goals in this journey. 

I did work out on Saturday with Beth.  We did a Kickbox Bootcamp video on Netflix and then went for a walk.  We're talking about going running tomorrow night as long as I stay motivated.  It's supposed to be 70 degrees tomorrow so we have to take advantage of the nice weather! 

Weekly Weigh In: 197 (down a total of 17 lbs)

What To Do...

What to do when I'm not hungry but I want to eat.  The feeling is overwhelming.  I've been really good this week with the diet (although no exercising has been done).  I've had my shakes in the morning for breakfast and for the most part have been eating low carb and healthy meals.  I was so proud of myself at lunch today because they ordered salad and pizza and I had a larger portion of salad and then only ate the toppings on my pizza and threw away the crust.  That is progress on having self discipline.  But then this afternoon I wanted to eat.  I'm not hungry.  I tried a piece of gum but that didn't work.  I tried drinking water but that didn't work either.  So I had a handful of nuts and that seemed to do the trick.  How do I get past these feelings? 

When I feel this way I feel out of control.  Its so overwhelming.  A couple of times this week I had an afternoon cup of coffee because it helped with the sugar or sweet cravings.  I do put creamer in my coffee so there are calories and carbs in it but I needed something and the calories in my creamer are significantly lower than the snickers bar I usually want!  I just need some tools to help be combat these feelings and hopefully soon they will subside and my healthy eating will just be a normal occurrence. 

I'm going to have to research this and see what others do....

Weekly Review

Its been awhile.  It's been a bad couple of weeks.  No motivation to exercise.  No motivation to eat healthy.  A little depressed and a lot angry at myself for making the wrong decisions and not sticking to my healthy goals. 

My Dr. took 45 min to talk to me about diet and exercise yesterday.  The nurses were ringing him to come out by the end of our talk.  He's very much into the low carb diet and some of it makes sense but I don't agree with all of it.  But he gave me some good pointers and got me thinking and motivated again. 

So here I am starting over again.  I CAN DO THIS!  It is hard but I know I can!  Its going to take discipline on my part.  I have to make the right decisions not based on what everyone else is doing or eating but what is good and right for me! 

Here I go...

Weekly Weigh In: 198 lbs (total of 16 lost since the first of the year)

Quote

I'm not in a review mood so I thought I'd share this instead....

"Watch your thoughts; they become your words.
Watch your words; they become your actions.
Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
~Unknown~

Weekly Review

Not a horrible week by any means but a little disappointing.  Last Thursday I weighed myself and I was under 200.  Then the weekend came and the Super Bowl party with lots of unhealthy choices and come Monday morning I was just over 200 again.  Hopefully next Monday I'll be below by a couple of lbs...I'm certainly looking forward to being under 200 and never hitting that number again! 

I'm doing the shakes twice a day.  Always one for breakfast and then usually one for lunch but every once and awhile I eat lunch out and have a shake for dinner.  My problem still seems to be for my one meal making a healthy choice and portion control.  If I could get those things under control I know the weight will start to just melt right off.  I am getting comments from people that they can see the difference with the weight I've already lost.  My pants are little looser around the waist.  Last night while on the elliptical my workout pants were falling down.  I know that's a good problem to have!  I know the food choices are MY choice and I have to have the self control to make the healthy choice regardless of what everyone else is doing.  Monday night we went to Buffalo Wild Wings (we go every Monday with my brother, his girlfriend, sister & family and a cousin of ours) and I ordered a grilled chicken salad (healthy choice) but I got the ranch dressing because that's what sounded good (not a health choice).  I suppose it's good I'm making small changes and hopefully soon my mind will get fully on board with the rest of the changes that need to be made!

Last week I was sick with a cold and was miserable along with Cole.  So I didn't work out until Saturday but since then I worked out Saturday, Sunday and yesterday.  I'm loving the streaming workout videos on Netflix!  I get different workouts without having to buy all the video's!  Last night I also did 30 min on the elliptical!  I feel so good when I work out!

Weekly Weigh In: 200.5 (total of 13.5 lost) 

Friend Makin' Monday - Habits

 

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Habits 

1. Are you proactive, or do you procrastinate?  Procrastinate
2. Do you eat breakfast everyday? Yes - right now I'm drinking an IdealShape shake every morning for breakfast. 
3. How much time do you spend watching TV on an average day?   Probably an hour and a half to two hours.  I have way too many shows on DVR.... 
4. Do you talk on the phone, or do you prefer e-mail and/or text messages? I don't talk on the phone much anymore but I miss it.  There is just more convenience with email / test messages.
5. Do you exercise in the morning, afternoon or evening? In the evenings after the kiddo's go to bed.  I've tried morning workouts but I just can't get up any earlier in the mornings. 
6. Do you take time for yourself regularly?  Depends on the definition of regularly...I do get pedicures about once a month and I consider my evening tv time my time.  Other than that...not really. 
7. How often do you make your bed? I only half make it in the mornings.  I usually only make the bottom half so it's ready for me to go to bed at night again.  A lot of times I don't even do this until right before bed time. 
8. Do you plan meals? If so, how far in advance?  We try to plan meals once a week before we go to the grocery store.  Sometimes we are really good about and other times not so much. 
9. Do you wake up at the same time everyday? Weekdays the alarm goes off at 5:30am and weekends the kids usually have me up by 7 and that's if I'm lucky! 
10. How often do you brush your teeth?  Once a day first thing in the morning.  I'm trying to get into the habit of brushing my teeth with my daughter at night as well but I'm usually multi-tasking something else while she's doing hers. 

Weekly Review

Last week I was feeling a little down on myself.  I didn't lose anything.  I also didn't gain anything.  Jared tried to make me feel better but in the moment it made me feel worse.  It's hard taking advice from someone who has never had to lose weight.  Who has always been skinny.  He makes it seem so easy and so effortless...but it's not for me.  And he says he gets it, but how can he?  I try to reason with him and ask how easy it would be for him to give up his cookies and milk every night.  I finally got him to start eating his cookies and milk downstairs before coming to bed.  He used to eat them in bed watching the news in front of me.  How do you eat cookies in front of someone and not expect them to eat them too???  So he's gotten more considerate.  He also only buys cookies that I don't like, so I'm not tempted with them in the house.  Back to my point though...how can he understand if he's never had to go without?  He just can't.  This is one of our constant arguments.  I know he means well but it just frustrates me instead! 

I started the new shakes (Idealshape) last week and love them!  For the most part I do a shake for breakfast and a shake for lunch and get to eat dinner with Jared and Caitlyn.  Much easier for me! 

I did work out a couple of times this week.  Saturday I tried to do the Yoga on the P90X with Jared and it was so hard.  I gave up half way through and got on the elliptical.  I've decided to stay away from the P90X for now and come back to it later.  I feel like I can't do half of the things in the video's and so I'm just sitting there laughing and not doing anything.  It's nice outside again this week so Beth and I are going to go running tomorrow night again.  Looking forward to it! 

Weekly Weigh In:  201 (Down 13 lbs!) 

Weekly Review

I'm doing pretty good on the diet.  I love having the shakes...makes life a little easier.  I don't feel hungry or deprived while drinking them.  I don't like doing the cleanses.  So I've decided to return the Isagenix stuff and have researched other meal replacement shakes and I think I'm going to try Idealshape.  The reviews all state that they are filling as well and they aren't hungry between meals.  That they taste good (I feel like I'm choking down the Isagenix shakes).  They also have a 30 day guarantee so if I don't like them I can return them as well. 

2 more weeks with no alcohol.  I can't believe I'm going a whole month with no alcohol.  And I've been out with other people drinking and haven't caved.  I also haven't had any soda and only one Starbucks coffee.  Go me!!!  

I wasn't as good about working out this last week.  Last night Jared and I did a P90X video.  We did the cardio...it kicked. my. ass.  I kept up with most of it but there were some things that I just couldn't get my body to do!    

Weekly Weigh In:  203  only down 2 more lbs from last week but a total of 11 lbs in 2 weeks!  Can't complain! 

Weekly Review

The first week wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  My biggest hurdle in this diet is the smells of food...they are EVERYWHERE!  The morning shake is easy since Caitlyn eats breakfast at school and Jared eats while I'm getting ready.  Lunch is easy, I've been bringing stuff for wraps or the other day I had a grilled chicken breast and broccoli steamed in the microwave and then I have a yogurt or cottage cheese.  The snacks are easy a hard boiled egg in the morning and an apple or almonds in the afternoon.  The shakes fill me up so I'm not hungry in between.  Dinner is hard.  Jared and Caitlyn eat and whatever they are having (even if it's fish sticks and instant mashed potatoes which I hate) it smells so good and I want to cheat.  But I haven't.  I've been strong.  And it paid off. 

Monday was my first cleanse day and that was hard.  No food.  All. Day. Long.  I drink this berry juice 4 times throughout the day and take these chalky chewable tablets and that's it.  I was feeling a little lightheaded in the afternoon so I had a half an apple.  They only recommend having a 1/4 an apple, but I had a half and it helped.  But by the time I got home I was so done with the day altogether.  I ended up going to bed at 8:30 after Caitlyn was in bed and Jared took care of Cole and put him down for me.  I woke up feeling fine.  Not even starving like I thought I would be.  Monday night I told Jared I didn't think I could do another cleanse day...

I exercised 4 days the past week.  Beth and I found a bunch of workout videos on Netflix...should be interesting.  No running now...it's snowing here and windy as all get out! 

Weekly Weigh In:  205  ( you read that right...I lost 9 lbs!!!)  I can't wait to be under 200...next week maybe?

Running

I've never been a runner.  Jared has always told me that running is the best exercise.  I'm not sure I believe that but I thought I'd give it a try.  Thanks to the unseasonable warm weather here my sister and I went running / walking Friday night and again last night...and it felt good!  Friday night we went about 3 miles.  Last night we went about 4 1/2 miles!  I think my sister has me talked into doing a 5K in March on Saint Patricks Day...I never thought I would even consider doing something like that.  Not sure I'll be ready to run the entire thing but I think if we keep working out that I could run a good portion of it!  And I'm excited about this!  Tomorrow we're going to try a yoga video from Netflix.  I've never done yoga but have always wanted to!  

Today is my first cleanse day on this diet.  Not doing too bad so far.  I'm hungry but it's manageable.  I cheated this morning and weighed myself but I'm not going to share here until Wednesday which is one full week!   

Today A New Journey Begins

Today I start my new weight loss journey.  A good friend of mine convinced me to do the Isagenix program with her and I convinced the hubby to let me do it.  It's not cheap.  I'm hoping that I can jump start my weight loss and start healthy habits and then keep them up without having to keep buying the product.  I'll probably do at least a couple of months if the first month goes well.  We're taking a trip to see family in May to Florida and I want to be able to wear a swimsuit and not feel overly self conscience in the process.  I just want to enjoy myself and the kids while on the beach!  If I didn't have this "deadline" I know I could do this on my own without the help of any program.  I've done it before.  It's hard work but it's totally doable.  But I've put it off because it's so hard. 

So I'll have a shake for breakfast and for dinner and a sensible lunch with 400-600 calories.  They also have recommended snacks and once a week you do a cleanse where you just drink their drinks all day and don't eat anything.  My friend's friend who got her to do this said that the first cleanse day is the hardest....I'm not looking forward to that! 


I'm also going to be working out at home and with my sister.  Eventually I'd like to join the gym again because that worked so well for me last year.  But right now with 2 children who don't sleep through the night and trying to get into a routine with 2 kids and work and everything I just can't commit to the gym at this time. 


I've decided to be totally open and honest on this journey and I'm going to do a weekly weigh in.  Hopefully this will help keep me accountable! 


I'm starting at 214 lbs.  (I'm actually scared to post this!) I was going to post my before picture...but I just can't do it right now.  It's bad!